Identity
Many of us who present as female shy away from porn, and it’s easy to see why. Men are expected to be sexual, so their porn use is often treated like an innocent rite of passage.
When a woman likes porn, on the other hand, she’s treated differently. Something must be wrong with her. At best, she’s an oddball with an overactive sexuality. At worst, she’s a promiscuous deviant (which is about the nicest thing that sex-positive women get called).
On top of all that, there are misconceptions about how porn affects people. Anti-porn sources and older gender-biased studies claim that it destroys self-esteem, sex drive, and even marriages. Newer studies that actually include women suggest that porn use can improve sexual desire, satisfaction, and even relationship quality.
I won’t go so far as to say that porn definitely has those effects. However, my years as a sex therapist have taught me that porn isn’t a straightforward path to sexual satisfaction or moral degradation. Rather, it opens you up to parts of your sexuality you might not be aware of.
This can be scary, exciting, and empowering - but you’ll never know unless you give it a try.
Yes, women watch porn! Just like everyone else, women want to see their sexual fantasies acted out. They want to get turned on, enjoy others’ bodies, and pleasure themselves.
Society often teaches women to be ashamed of their bodies and their sexuality. We know that it should be as normal for women to watch porn as it is for men, but for many of us, it can still feel shameful.
This goes hand-in-hand with masturbation (pun intended), which is normalized for men but taboo for women. All of this undermines female sexuality and teaches us that sexual behavior is unusual or wrong.
In spite of this, millions of women watch porn every day.
It’s tricky to know just how many women watch porn, but common estimates say at least one-third do. How do we know this?
The truth is we don’t, but we have some solid guesses. Pornhub claimed that 36% of their viewers were female in 2022, but thousands of people use the site without signing up, so that percentage could vary. This number is different in each country, with a couple having more women than men visiting the site. Other sources claim that women make up as little as 25% or as much as 42% of the porn audience, but it’s hard to say for certain. One problem with these numbers is that they’re usually based on traffic to the most popular porn sites, which are geared toward men. The content on these sites can feel objectifying, inauthentic, or even just boring.
Big porn companies are slowly realizing they need to up their game, but many women have found better content elsewhere.
Porn is different for everyone, so what you watch depends on your own tastes and curiosities. That said, a few pioneering sites strive to make porn that’s more femme-focused. This often means more authentic acting, female directors, and a wider acceptance of different body types and sexualities. Thousands of women choose these over the big porn sites, but they aren’t typically included in porn research. This means that the percentage of women who look at porn is probably much higher than we think - they just aren’t getting it from the same sources men are.
The myth that “porn is bad” is little more than a farcical attempt to deprive us of our sexualities. Can you get addicted to porn? Yes. Can it strain your relationship? In some cases, yes. It can also do the opposite. Porn isn’t necessarily good or bad. If you have problems with sexual self-control, low self-esteem, or jealousy, then porn can make those things worse. However, they were already problems - porn didn’t create them.
In fact, when I counsel women who aren’t satisfied with their sex lives, porn is one of the first places I tell them to start. Porn helps us see the beauty in others’ bodies, discover new pleasures, and, most importantly, masturbate. It’s tragic how we stigmatize masturbation, especially when it has so many benefits. Not only does it improve self-esteem, reduce stress, and increase libido, but it can actually help relieve cramps.
Plus it feels amazing and helps teach you to feel that way with your partner. This often means better orgasms, more frequent orgasms, and better sex overall. Porn helps you get in the mood for self-pleasure, and self-pleasure helps your sexuality develop.
If you’re interested in porn or use it already, you’re not alone! Most people have seen porn at some point in their lives, even if they don’t view it regularly. It’s a healthy way to nurture your sexuality and help yourself feel good.
More often than not, the negative effects of porn come from other people. We’re afraid of getting caught, afraid of what our partner might think, or afraid of being seen as too sexual. The truth is that we’re naturally interested in sex, and porn satiates that curiosity. Porn isn’t a guilty pleasure - it’s just a pleasure.
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