The Messages About Consent We Learn From Porn
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The Messages About Consent We Learn From Porn

Elie Lubin
Brown University

Consent, a seemingly straightforward concept, is far more intricate than a mere "yes" or "no." Its complexity mirrors the diversity of human experiences and emotions. Planned Parenthood simplifies this complexity by employing the acronym "FRIES," encompassing the essence of consent: Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific.

Freely Given:True consent emanates solely from an individual's genuine choice, devoid of external influences such as partners, friends, or substances. It is essential that the decision to consent arises purely from within, unmarred by coercion or manipulation.

Reversible:Consent is never irrevocable; individuals possess the right to withdraw it at any moment. A partner's respect for this choice, regardless of the circumstances, is fundamental. The ability to say "stop" must always be upheld without hesitation.

Informed:Informed consent hinges on complete awareness of the impending actions. Transparent communication is imperative, whether it involves discussing the use of certain props or the necessity of protection. Both partners must be fully aware of what is to transpire.

Enthusiastic:Enthusiastic consent signifies genuine eagerness and willingness to participate. A lack of enthusiasm suggests that one might not be emotionally prepared or comfortable with the proposed activity. Partners should be attuned to each other's feelings, ensuring mutual excitement.

Specific:Consent pertains solely to the agreed-upon activity. Agreement to one thing does not imply consent for everything else. If circumstances change or new elements are introduced, consent must be expressly reaffirmed for each new aspect.

Consider a scenario where initial hesitation clouds an individual's response to a partner's proposal. While the partner may interpret it as consent, fostering an environment for open dialogue is vital. This dialogue allows partners to express concerns or reservations, promoting a clear understanding and mutual respect.

The pervasive misunderstanding of consent finds its roots in various sources, notably online pornography. Regrettably, a significant portion of this content fails to accurately depict consent, leading to misconceptions. Additionally, the absence of comprehensive sex education exacerbates the problem, leaving individuals, particularly young adults, to glean information from inaccurate portrayals.

My personal epiphany regarding the complexities of consent occurred during my college years. Engaging discussions about the impact of pornography shed light on the intricacies of genuine consent, emphasizing the importance of desire and mutual understanding between partners.

Reflecting on my experiences, I identified moments where external pressure overshadowed my genuine desires. These instances, often dismissed as acquiescence, constituted a lack of authentic consent. Recognizing the disparity between genuine desire and external coercion underscored the significance of respecting personal boundaries.

Education and awareness are pivotal in reshaping societal attitudes toward consent. Both those feeling pressured and those applying pressure must comprehend the core elements of consent. Open communication, acknowledgment of desires, and respectful boundaries are essential in fostering a culture where consent is not only comprehended but also cherished.

It is imperative to remember that individuals should never feel compelled to engage in any activity solely for someone else's pleasure. Masturbation serves as a potent reminder of the importance of self-care and self-fulfillment, reinforcing the notion that consent should always be a product of one's genuine desires and boundaries.

Elie Lubin
Brown University