Unleashing Your Sexual Power: The Art of Sexting
Dating & Relationships

Unleashing Your Sexual Power: The Art of Sexting

Sexting, the Misunderstood Hero of Intimacy, has the power to transform your desires into reality. It's not just a naughty pastime or a sleazy activity confined to teenagers. It's a gateway to honest conversations about sex—the kind most people shy away from like they owe it money. Sexting is here to save the day, helping you in the creation and alignment of your fantasies, unleashing your sexual power, and allowing for fulfilling sexual encounters & relationships based on communication and trust. 

Not Just a Quick Nut: Reframing Sexting 

Sexting is not about a momentary release or fulfilling someone else's impulsions. It's an opportunity to advocate for your pleasure and collaborate with your partner to fulfill erotic dreams. By building attraction and sexual tension, sexting sets the stage for explosive encounters when you reunite. It allows you to discover new and exciting elements within your sexual templates, unveiling yourself & your partner in a new light. 

  •  Be enthusiastic and honest: Seduce your partner with your words, treating sexting as an erotic experience without any pressures.
  • Find your style: Experiment with different media types, such as photos, videos, short stories, voice messages, or suggestive words and emojis. Discover what turns you and your partner on.
  • Decide what sexting is for you: is it foreplay before seeing each other, a sexual encounter in and of itself, or just the means for a self-esteem boost? What’s your intent? Anxiously attached people may use sexting as a way to feel close to a partner when they aren’t together. Avoidant people may use sexting to receive gratification while keeping their partner at an arm's length.
  •  Take it slow: Allow the conversation to unfold naturally. Give your partner time to respond to each point before moving forward. Gradually build anticipation and desire. 

A Path to Better Communication and Trust 

Sexting serves as a platform for open communication and deepening trust and self-confidence in all areas of your relationship. It’s a practice in active listening, where you learn to pay attention to your partner’s needs. In turn, your partner's poor responses can also serve as a great red flag to dodge that bullet of a relationship! 

  •  Ask questions: Engage your partner by asking questions about their desires. This not only keeps the conversation flowing but also shows that their pleasure

matters to you. It also gives them the opportunity to set their comfort level.

Well-placed questions such as “What makes that hot for you?” can

simultaneously help you defer when you find yourself unsure of how to respond. 

  • Be mindful of your partner’s preferences: While men and women were equally likely to describe sending an explicit sext as arousing or sexually gratifying, women were less likely to report receiving one as such (in a study by the University of Utah). Men respond more to visual sexual stimuli, while for women, visual stimulation does not usually cause direct arousal. A text randomly saying “my dick is so hard right now, send me a tit pic” may not arouse many women the way indulging them in a well-timed erotic narrative could. 

Pro Tip: Listening to erotic audios, or reading erotica can be a great source of inspiration for everyone. It can also help bring awareness to the female gaze as opposed to mainstream porn made from the male gaze. 

Breaking Free from Shame and Inhibitions 

Many individuals find it challenging to express their erotic desires to their partners, but sexting provides a safe and playful space to shed societal expectations and personal shame surrounding sexuality. 

  • Take the opportunity: Explore, try out new fantasies and power dynamics. See what comes to mind in a space where you’re free to do so without the pressures of a real life sexual interaction. Talk about your sexual brakes & accelerators. Bring up something new you’d like to try. Stop thinking only about what they want to hear, but what would turn you on. 
  •  Don't take yourself too seriously: Don’t worry if something comes out weird. Just like in sex, there’s bound to be awkward moments. Experimentation produces the sexiest outcomes. Remember that it should be fun!! 
  • Provide feedback: Validate and respond honestly to your partner's messages. Make them feel good about themselves and confident in their sexting skills. Let them know you’re now hiding your raging boner at work! 

In all long-term, long-distance, and new relationships, sexting serves as an ongoing connection that infuses eroticism into everyday life. 

The Importance of Timing

Only get into a sexting sesh if you know you have the time to be engaged. It can be super unsexy and nerve wracking when you send a nude or a risky text and your partner falls asleep or puts the phone down, leaving you anxious as hell. Be thoughtful of what your partner is doing at the time. Don’t send a sex in the middle of an important or unrelated conversation. Think, does this person trust and feel safe with me yet? Many people do not like to sext outside of a relationship, or at least before meeting the person. If your timing is wrong, it could negate any sexual attraction the person did have for you. 

Sexting Safely and Responsibly 

Prioritizing safety and consent is crucial when engaging in sexting. 

Only sext people you trust!

Permission to Send, Permission to Receive: Always ask for permission before sending explicit messages or images. Randomly firing off unsolicited content is sexual harassment. Just because you got the go-ahead to sext once doesn’t mean you have a free pass to send explicit messages at any time (unless that was already discussed & agreed upon). Never forward or share sexual content of anyone without their consent. Sharing is not caring when it comes to someone's privacy and well-being.

The best way to prevent any uncomfortable moments is to continuously check in with your partner. It can be as simple as asking, "Do you like that?" or "How do you feel when I tell you I want to do this to you?" If the response is positive it also deepens the fantasy.

Set Boundaries: Discuss what happens to messages, photos, or videos once the fantasy is complete. Establish guidelines on when and where sexting is appropriate. Clarify if these are only fantasies or something you’d actually like to bring to the bedroom. Never assume what's discussed in fantasyland is necessarily what your partner wants in real life without consent.  If you find yourself feeling like sexting is a chore or is just not arousing for whatever reason… act on that gut feeling! Stop, let your partner know how you’re feeling or that you’re busy, or guide them in how you like to sext.

Many of us, particularly women, are trained to appease, resign, and surrender. Do you ever sext to appease your partner and submit to their horniness? They jerk off in bed, meanwhile you couldn’t be less aroused…doing groceries or putting on a face mask and eating Thai food in bed. This could occur out of bad timing, or because they’re sexting style does not consider your sexual palette. If you don’t want to engage in sexting, then don’t!

  • Choose Your Platform Wisely: Pick a secure app like Amorous or Signal that respects your privacy, encrypts your conversations, and won't save your spicy content.

  • Avoid Identifying Information: Don't include your name, face, tattoos or any identifying features in photos or videos.

  • Beware of Risks: permanency, blackmail, impersonation, physical safety, getting in trouble, and negative effects on emotional health.

So…How do I sext? Here are some things to try…

What would you do to them/let them do to you if you were together? 

Reminisce on past sexual interactions with your partner. Send those 😏🍑😈🥵💦emojis and tell them what you want them to do with it. 


You can also do this by starting with naughty words, then a photo, then a photo with less clothes, or level it up to a video. Mention your favorite body parts. Use graphic detail. Roleplay. 

Ask direct questions 

"What's a sexual fantasy you’ve always had but never tried?”

“I wish you were here”

“I'm so wet/hard for you”

“Do you like how it feels when I XYZ?”

Give Some Examples Of What You Like

“I just want to pin you against the wall and XYZ…if that’s okay with you 😉”

“Woke up thinking about you riding my face the other day, wish I was with you now…” 

“I want you to come for me baby…but not until I give you permission…” 

Continue to tease with words or videos and don't let them come until you've built it up enough and had your fun.

Use Praise and Ask for What They Like

“Mmm good girl/boy”

“Tell me more/then what”

Direct Your Partner 

“I want to hear you say my name as you cum…send me a voice recording”.

And If they say something that doesn't turn you on…

Don’t shame them, redirect them! “Then I’m gonna push you down on the table and XYZ…would you like that?” “Actually it turns me on more if you picked me up and pushed me against the wall instead 😉” 

With these techniques in your arsenal, you'll become a sexting superstar and leave your partner begging for more! Go get 'em horn dogs!

Milena Testa