Sexual Health & Wellness
Women’s sexuality does not exist outside of the male gaze. If our respect for women is conditional upon what clothes they wear and how they experience their sexuality, then our respect is not for women but for the system that oppresses them. With a set of impossible and never ending standards, we’re expected to:
“Dress sexy and not like a prude, but not too revealing cause then you’re asking for it.”
“Engage in sex when I want it, but don’t enjoy sex on your own terms, then you’re a slut.”
“Be sexually experienced but have a body count 3 digits less than mine.”
Women’s bodies are constantly sexualized yet if a woman indulges in her sexuality for herself we say she's “sexualizing herself” or doing it for male validation. As if it's so unfathomable that women exist separately from men; that women’s existence is not centered around men’s pleasure. Feminist author Farida D counteracts by saying, “A slut doesn’t exist except in the mind of a person conditioned to believe that a woman enjoying sex the way men do is somehow deviant”...“Believing that a woman loses value if she agrees to have sex, is believing that a woman loses value not because of sex but because of consent”.
“Sex Sells” they say as women are commodified and men maintain their sexual agency throughout the millions of ads and films that minimize women to their bodies. Until men and women are being equally objectified, what's being sold is not sex but merely the validation of men’s sexual desires, as it is a cisgender heterosexual man’s desires that are paramount within the male gaze cast upon society. Women buy into this personification of desire as something they seek to achieve, continuing the cycle of conformity to gender oppression. The resulting standard for girls and women is to be “pretty, not powerful; noticed, not respected”. This results in overwhelming feelings of anxiety about appearance, feelings of shame, eating disorders, lower self-esteem and depression.
The use of women’s bodies to sell everything from hearing aids to entertainment, perpetuates the unrealistic beauty and behavioral standards that plague our view on reality. Birthed from this is the idea that women exist for the sexual gratification of men, and that women are worthless if they exist on their own terms. This directly influences violence against women, homophobia, stereotypes, rape culture, and mental and bodily health. Research conducted for the Dove Self Esteem Project found that six in ten girls avoid participating in life activities because of concerns about the way they look and 81 percent of 10-year old girls in the U.S. say they are afraid of being fat.
Porn websites Xvideos.com, Pornhub and Xnxx.com all receive more traffic than both Amazon and Netflix, with millions of viewers each day. It is estimated that children are first exposed to pornography between the ages 11-13, though with the growing role and accessibility of technology, these numbers are probably skewed higher than reality. The majority of countries on a worldwide scale do not require sex education in public schools, let alone a comprehensive and age respective sex education. In the U.S. a slim 7 states mandate sex education, HIV/STI education, and comprehensive healthy relationship content. Only 9 states require that consent be taught in their sex education program. Only 22 states require sex education to be medically, factually, or technically accurate. Meanwhile there is no legal requirement or national curriculum for sex education in Spain. In an absence of comprehensive sex education, young children receive their education from porn, often before even having real sexual experiences of their own or understanding what it means to be sexual beings. Furthermore, the lack of a sex positive culture prevents children from being able to seek advice or knowledge from parents and peers when it comes to sex. For this reason it is imperative that we examine the messages being sent out through mainstream pornography.
Free porn extends this deeply harmful trend of sexualization, to the extent that studies link male pornography use to sexual violence and a female partner’s lower self esteem, higher negative affect and relationship anxiety. Mainstream porn exposes viewers to sexuality through the male gaze while exploiting minorities and profiting off of stereotypes. Lack of body diversity is evident along with the Eurocentric beauty standard that's reinforced. Women’s professional careers, such as nurses or teachers, have been sexualized to a degree that they are no longer taken seriously at work. Women’s sexual and racial identities, such as lesbian/bi women and asian or latinx women, have been typecast to a point of fetishization. Otherwise regular things like red lipstick and nails, eating a banana, pig tails, glasses, and leggings have become a sign of sexual promiscuity or the source of straight male fantasy. The camera tends to focus on the woman’s body parts, which were probably alluded to in the title of the video where women are defined according to which specific acts they perform or physical features they possess– allowing viewers to consume people as products “made to order”.
Besides, have you ever seen explicit consent being asked in porn? Or heard moans that sounded nothing like the pitchyness of your own? Or do you see women experiencing orgasm through penetration, despite the fact that 81.6% of vulva owners don’t orgasm from penetrative sex alone? Has a guy ever choked you without pracicing consent, assuming all girls like it because of the sexual norms pushed by mainstream porn? Violence against women has been found in over 88% of porn, according to a study done by SAGE Publishing in 2010 and corroborated by recent studies. Much of this recorded violence is real assault as perpetrators of rape, trafficking, and sexual assault often upload videos of their attacks to porn sites, further exploiting their victims.
Let’s reclaim the terms they use to dehumanize us and change the narrative! Everyone can play their part in discovering companies, people, and environments that don’t contribute to this culture and instead empower women. Ethical porn is the new alternative, with Erika Lust leading the movement. Erika Lust feminist porn is made by women for women. Instead of centering male pleasure, the eroticism of human sexuality and relationships is explored without exploiting the performers or contributing to harmful societal beliefs. The 8 values guiding Erika Lust include: equal pleasure, diversity, fair pay, transparency, safe sex environment, no surprises (consent), worker standards, and fair commissions. Erika Lust is dedicated to ensuring an accurate and cinematically beautiful depiction of sex while advocating for the importance of paying for your porn to ensure safe working conditions and fair pay for sex workers. Erika currently runs four online cinemas, XConfessions, Lust Cinema, Else Cinema and The Store by Erika Lust. In addition to an online explicit magazine, Lust Zine; a sexual fantasy game for couples, XConfessions App; and a non-profit sex education project for parents & teachers, The Porn Conversation. In a world that shames women for exercising their sexuality, choosing to perform or watch ethical porn is one badass way of reclaiming your sexual agency and fighting back against the patriarchy!
So grab your favorite toy, finger, or person and get ethically turned on, SLUT!
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