Sexual Health & Wellness
Kink is an umbrella term used to describe a wide variety of sexual preferences that are often deemed unconventional to societal standards. Kinks vary extensively, from role-playing to hardcore BDSM. It’s important to remember that kink is subjective - so while your best friend might find the use of sex toys to be kinky, this could be common practice for you.
A fetish is a sexual interest that is necessary to achieve sexual gratification. Unlike kinks, they’re not a preference but a requirement. A fetish often manifests as an intense fascination with a specific body part, object, or form of play. A fetish doesn’t always have to be physically present for someone to reach heightened arousal. One can still experience the pleasure they’re seeking, through imagination alone. If there’s a scenario or fantasy that you always think about during your sexual experiences so you are turned on, you might have a fetish.
All fetishes can be described as kinky but not every kink is a fetish. The difference is whether your desire needs to be present for you to experience sexual gratification and arousal. Even if that means playing a scenario in your head! If the interest isn’t absolutely needed for sexual pleasure, it’s a kink.
Having fetishes or unorthodox sexual interests isn’t an illness and doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. While what we feel aroused by can be related to previous experiences or psychological reasons, this doesn’t invalidate them or mean they are perverse. In reality, embracing and exploring this side of ourselves can be an incredible opportunity to liberate ourselves from shame in a non-judgmental environment. Your erotic self is just as unique and worthy of love as all the other parts of you and repressing your kinks may eventually take a toll on your mental health. There is nothing to be embarrassed about and as long as you’re exploring your desires with other consenting adults, there is nothing to worry about.
It’s important to make sure you communicate with your partner(s) about what you’d like to try and what your limits are. In the kink community, there is a common phrase, “safe, sane, and consensual.”
Another integral part of kink and fetish play is negotiations and safe words.
Negotiations happen prior to stepping into the bedroom and serve as an opportunity to fully express your wants and boundaries. Safe words are predetermined terms that let your partner(s) know you’re approaching your limit or would like to stop immediately. A lot of kinksters use the “traffic light” system. Green means you’re good to go, yellow means slow down or pull back, and red means stop. Because of these extensive conversations, kink/fetish experts & practitioners often engage in sex that is much safer than the sex that is considered “normal” by public opinion.
1. Latex - sexual gratification or arousal from wearing or seeing someone in latex material. Can also include tasting or feeling
2. Feet - A foot fetish is an intense sexual interest in all things related to feet! I’ve met a lot of people who said they had been shamed because of their foot fetish. Yet, it’s just as natural as any other body part! And it’s my personal favorite.
3. Group sex - The act of “getting it on” with more than 1 person.
4. BDSM - BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadomasochism, and masochism. This kind of play often includes restraints, power dynamics, and varying levels of intentional physical pain. Oh my!
5. Rope bondage - The act of being tied up with rope
1. Macrophilia - Being turned on by giants! Bigfoot, anyone?
2. Axillism - The desire to penetrate someone's armpit
3. Eproctophilia - Being turned on by farting! The next time someone asks you to pull their finger...
4. Forniphilia - The act of using someone as a piece of furniture. Some pieces include a chair, table, and footstool!
5. Furries - people who enjoy dressing up in animal costumes and playing with others in the same attire
BONUS, Dendrophilia - sexual attraction to trees. This takes tree-hugging to a whole new level!
Because of the lack of accessible sex education, free online porn has inadvertently become the default source of knowledge for many viewers. When it comes to kink & fetish content, free porn often doesn’t include negotiations, the use of safe words, or portray safe, sane, and consensual practices. This creates a dangerous perception of what kink & fetish play should look like.
Porn has an incredible opportunity to represent a more responsible (and realistic) view of what it means to engage in taboo play by normalizing ethical practices, thus helping break the stigma. Here are a few ways this can happen
- Including negations that happen before scenes, on film
- Showing performers using safe words and expressing their limits
- Highlighting less mainstream kinks & fetishes
- Integrating the use of sex toys
The next time you feel self-conscious about your fantasies & sexual preferences, remember that there is nothing to be embarrassed about and that your sexuality is just as deserving of being seen & accepted as all the other parts of you. Your erotic blueprint is as unique as you are and that’s something to be celebrated! By being more compassionate and open-minded towards ourselves and others - we can decrease the harm caused by kink shaming and move towards a more inclusive, accepting, sex-positive world both in real life and on screen.
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