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Sexual Health & Wellness
Sex, pleasure, and procreation are undeniably intertwined aspects of reproductive health. However, it's common for discussions around pregnancy and postpartum to prioritize everything except pleasure. Instead, the focus is often on the medicalization of the birthing process and the daunting transition to parenthood, leading to the neglect of our sexual selves.
From navigating solo or partnered sex to exploring different pleasure practices, prioritizing pleasure (in its many forms) is one of the most crucial ways to reconnect to ones-self during this transformative time.
Contrary to popular belief, penetrative sex during pregnancy is safe for most pregnant people and their babies. In fact, many couples find that sex during pregnancy can be more enjoyable than before for a few reasons:
It's important to communicate with your partner about any discomfort or concerns, especially if you have a higher-risk pregnancy. It's always best to talk to your healthcare provider about any concerns you may have, particularly if you have a high-risk pregnancy. In some cases, your doctor may advise against sex during pregnancy, such as if you have a history of preterm labor or placenta previa.
For pregnant folks, changes in hormone levels can have a big effect on sexual desire and function, sometimes leading to discomfort or pain during penetrative sex. The good news? Self-pleasure is a great way to explore sexual pleasure without the potential physical discomfort of penetrative sex. Here are a few reasons why self-pleasure can be particularly beneficial during pregnancy:
Oh… and it’s worth nothing that sexual pleasure and orgasm is a doula pro-tips for non medicalized options to induce labor!
Pregnancy can affect sex drive in a variety of ways:
Hormonal changes during pregnancy can lead to an increase in sexual desire and arousal for some people, while others may experience a decrease in libido. Significant hormonal changes with the release of the placenta during birth often impact libido and depending on the intensity of birth as well as feeding method (breast/chestfeeding or formula) it can take anywhere from several weeks to several months for libido to return to pre-pregnancy levels.
Physical changes such as weight gain, nausea, and fatigue can also impact sexual desire and function. After birth, it’s common for new parents to experience fatigue and adjustment to the demands of caring for a newborn which impacts libido of the entire parental unit. Support (from parents, friends or a doula) can be a great way to ease the transition to life with a new baby – if you’re sleep deprived, that’s often need #1 that has to be met before even a new parent is even able consider prioritizing pleasure!
Emotional changes such as anxiety or concerns about pregnancy, childbirth, or becoming a parent can hugely affect sex drive. Postpartum depression and anxiety are quite common (affecting 1 in 7 birthing people) and can impact libido significantly by reducing sexual desire, causing difficulty with arousal, and affecting overall sexual satisfaction.
During the transition to parenthood, it’s crucial to communicate openly with a partner and healthcare provider about any changes in sexual desire or discomfort during pregnancy. Getting support from a trusted family member, doula, or trained mental health specialist can be invaluable to understanding underlying changes during the transition to parenthood.
It's important to remember that not all people who give birth identify as women. Trans men who become pregnant face unique challenges and may encounter discrimination and a lack of understanding from healthcare providers. For example, they may face difficulty finding healthcare providers who are knowledgeable and affirming of their gender identity and pregnancy status or challenges in obtaining appropriate medical care and hormonal therapy during pregnancy, as well as dealing with the physical and emotional changes that come with pregnancy while experiencing gender dysphoria.
It's important for healthcare providers and society as a whole to recognize and support trans men who become pregnant. This can include providing culturally competent care, affirming their gender identity, and respecting their autonomy in making decisions about their healthcare and pregnancy. It's also crucial to create safe and supportive spaces for LGBTQ+ families and to challenge societal norms and expectations around gender and parenthood.
When it comes to getting in touch with your sexuality and self-pleasure during and after pregnancy, it's important to keep in mind the unique changes your body is going through. Here are some tips to help you prioritize your sexual wellness:
Make time for self-care: Caring for a new baby can be exhausting, but it's important to carve out some time for yourself, even if it's just a few minutes a day. Use this time to connect with your body and explore your own desires – even if ‘self-care’ looks like a few extra indulgent minutes in the shower while away from your baby.
Experiment with new techniques: Your body will likely feel quite different during and after pregnancy, so patience and creativity are key! If you have a cesarean section, it might take you a few months to even get comfortable touching the area around your scar let alone your genitals. Take time to reacquaint yourself with your body and tools that might be helpful to ease back into your experience of sexual pleasure – a penetration bumper like OhNut and a great body-safe lubricant can work wonders!
Communicate with your partner: If you have a partner, be sure to communicate openly and honestly about your needs and desires. Your partner can be a great source of support and can help you feel more comfortable exploring your sexuality and how it’s been impacted by pregnancy or postpartum.
Be patient with yourself: It may take some time for your libido to return to normal after pregnancy. Be patient with yourself and don't feel pressured to have sex before you're ready. Depending on your pregnancy and birth experience, most doctors clear birthing folks for penetrative sex by 6 weeks, but it’s very rare that people actually feel ready at this point. Whether it’s 6 weeks or a year, go at whatever pace feels right for you. Starting with masturbation is always a great way to connect with your sexuality without any pressure or expectations!
Prioritize self-pleasure: Speaking of solo play…masturbation can help you maintain a sense of sexual self-esteem and identity during a time when your body and emotional state are undergoing significant changes. It can also provide stress relief, improved sleep, and improved mood, all of which can be especially beneficial during and after pregnancy.
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